31 August, 2011

Struggling

Now before I get a whole lot of comments saying hugs mal and don't worry it will end, it's just a stage etc etc. I know all this...I just need to vent.

I didn't want anymore kids, two was enough. I struggled with the sleep deprivation with Beatrix and was very happy after 3.5 months to know I was in my bed for a good 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night.

I was also happy to see the end of
Bottles
Burping
Wind
Spew
4 hourly feeds
Etc etc etc

So whilst I do love Henry, and how could I not love this

YouTube Video
I am struggling. I'll admit it, i don't feel like I'm coping very well atm. As each child has come along I have let go of a bit of control when it comes to housework stuff so it's not like I am upset that my house is a mess. In fact I've taken a leaf from another blog I read Tatum Woodroofe's

From Somewhere in my Imagination

Who says

I don't attempt to keep my house spotless at all times, that would be crazy and really wouldn't be fair on the kids...kids are kids and they make mess, trying to keep the house in perfect condition all the time would, to my mind, be nothing short of insanity.

What I'm struggling with is just when you put everything together. And the noise. And having a toddler, who is being a full on toddler. Whinging. Teething. Damn eye teeth.
And then as Nathan says I over analyse things. Like should I premake henry's thickened formula bottles? I didn't last night. Is that why he didn't sleep as long last night? Why isn't he settling during the day? Does he have a reflux? Is the Zantac a help or a hindrance? Etc etc. That's my problem. I overthink things. Lol

And I can't find 30 mins to myself atm. I get to sit on the couch of a night. For about an hour. I should be folding clothes but I just want to sit there. I could scrap then but I want to spend time with Nathan.

I need to scrap. I have DT and CT commitments. But I NEED to scrap, for me.

I'm also over having activities to go to, to drive kids to everyday. We were meant to go to swimming today for isobel but she had a pain in her chest so it didn't take much convincing from her for us not to go. Just couldn't be bothered.

So what am I going to do???

My mum is OS atm which means I don't have the support I normally do during the day. So in 7 weeks she will be home so that will help. And my ILs whilst 40 mins away will take the girls overnight, which they are doing on Thursday and Friday.

And yep in terms of Henry I just have to go with it. It will be over soon. He'll grow out of somethings and if he doesn't we'll just go insane. Haha

Me time? So whilst I was letting Henry cry, doing tizzie hall's method, I scrapped. And I love it. So I'm just going to have to fit it in and not have a nap in the arvo.

And not overthink things. Easier said than done. Lol.

Not really enjoying today. That seems to be a common occurrence these days. But Only 8 to go. Then tomorrow is a new day. Right? Two are asleep ATM. Thankgoodness Henry id sleeping.

Hope you're having a better than me.

11 comments:

Jules said...

oh mal... i'm so hearin ya! 3 out of my 4 were shocking sleepers, and an hour on the couch without a baby attached to me was just pure bliss! Don't give up your date with the couch... and don't feel guilty about it!! The rest really will wait. oh... and Henry is the cutest! :) xx

Peta said...

I was going to say the same as Jules - don't feel guilt about your couch time....
You are an over thinker - but that's you Mal it's part of who you are it is not bad thing.
You know how much I have struggled and still am with Sienna... so I do know how you feel - even though thankfully 2 of 4 where at school when Sienna was a bub.
Don't push yourself - speaking from experience here babe :)
Take time for you and enjoy Henry for who he is.... it is hard with the other kids - but hopefully it will get easier each day...
xxx

calicolane said...

I hear ya, Mal. It's the noise that does my head in! I find getting out of the house, even just for an hour or so at night between feeds, helps the most. In fact, I might try that tonight - pop down to Maccas with my laptop or something!

Lauren said...

Oh to have perfect babies and perfect children! Unfortunately for most of us, it doesn't happen! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you know that. You just need to take each day as it comes and try not to worry (as hard as it is). Me time is definately a good thing - without it, we'd go insane. Thinking of you. xx

Sar said...

I think as mothers to young children we're all in the same boat, Mal. I feel like I'm going insane most of the time...but after my third baby I really felt it as well. Like you, two very close together and just no break in between. Of course it gets better as the get older, you know that...but just try to take each day at a time and enjoy those babies, cause I look back now and wish for those days back...Cooper is only 7yo but I forget him being that little already. You're doing a great job, never forget that. xx

Jasmine S said...

Mal, it is all perfectly normal. There are days now that I still don't feel like I am coping (hence a recent LO). I remind myself that it is all a phase but yep, each day can be a long one.
I over think things too but that is me and that is you so don't try and change and yep, enjoy that hour because at the moment, it is the only hour you get and in time, it will be 1 1/2 hours and so on.
It will get easier but for now, just do what you can to finish each day.
Big x and 0 to you.

Simone said...

Hey Mal,
I completely understand how you feel - it is so overwhelming. I had a period a few months back where I was feeling utterly miserable and hence very guilty. Then I read an article in a magazine about a mother who lost her 3 young daughters in a car accident. The part of the article that really stuck with me the most is when she said "I used to want th noise and chaos to stop for just a few minutes but now that my house is so silent all I want is the noise and chaos back". Now when things get crazy (and they do sill, very often) I totally think about this mum. Sorry for the depressing story, and I just hope I haven't made you feel worse. It actually helped put things in perspective for me.

Leah said...

hugs mal and don't worry it will end, it's just a stage

Monique said...

Mal, I think you are doing a fantastic job, I take my hat off to anyone who has babies close together - Connor almost did my head in, every day, for at least 3 years.... so I do know how your feel, I really do - and I have no answer for how to cope with 3, I just know I couldn't.....
Keep at claiming time for yourself, whether to veg on the couch, scrap, jog - whatever you want to do, just do it for yourself, I didn't for years, and paid the price for it dearly....

Amanda Toyer said...

i'm sure every mum can relate to where you are coming from! My advice would be to remember you've just had a baby! He is still a newborn and you NEED to take care of yourself as you have just carried him for nine months and had a MAJOR operation to give birth to him. YOU NEED to recuperate and heal physically so you can be the super mum you are! Imagine if men had c-sections to have babies maternity leave would be 7 years long - LOL!

Anonymous said...

Mal
Being in the same position as you with kids pretty much the same distance apart i can totally relate to everything you say.
Its exhausting mentally and physically day in and day out. Take some time wherever and whenever you can. Fit in what you can when you can. The rest will be there another day to do.
Take Care
Bek xx